CO springs

Hey guys. Not a lot has been happening lately so I haven't felt the need to really blog about it.
But this weekend was my images trip.

Images is the advanced choir for my school. It's our audition choir and I'm in it.. WOO.
Haha anyways. Friday was when we left for Colorado Springs. It was a great trip! We
had one of those like luxury tour buses that you see bands in and everything. It was awesome.
The only bad thing that happened was we hadn't even been on the bus 15 minutes when we broke
the curtain thing. It was SO much fun. I also got to hold hands with the cutest guy in that choir pretty much the whole trip. He even asked me out. Ya, that lasted about 2 days. He hasn't dated anyone before, so he practically is like a little kid so he just wasn't ready. It was actually really funny cause I called it before he did it.

Just Cause, here is a picture of us at the royal gorge from Friday. I'm slightly afraid of heights, and so is he so when we went onto the bridge after the gondela ride we were both scared. Soo, he held my hand.
Yeah he's short... really short actually. lol he looks like my little brother or something.

Anyways, Yeah Images trip was great and we got superior in our age group at calvalcade. (the competition we were in and the whole reason we went up to colorado springs)

Then on Saturday after dinner on the way back to the hotel it was like 10:30 ish and I was tired, so was he, and we were cuddling and I fell asleep on him on the way back :3
But then he broke up with me -_-

Eh, whatever. It's okay. The good news is Jared is leaving my head in overwhelming amounts. It's awesome. Life it so much better right now... hehe.

Love you guys,
Catlynn Crimson

Have you ever...

Have you ever broke down sobbing after so long of being strong?
Knelt down to the floor, hands on your face. You claw and grasp at your forehead when you let out that first gasp. You try to be quiet but eventually it becomes loud, heart wrenching sobs. You cry and cry and cry, so much you can't breath. You ask whoever is "up there" Why? WHY ME? You eventually completely collapse on the floor on your stomach. The sobs slowly turn into nothing and you lay there, numb. Not wanting to ever move again. Wishing it would all just end.... Have you ever wanted to die so badly that you thought you would.

Prepare yourself.

So, Today our school was off. Wednesday, I know it was really weird. It's because they have these things called Furlough days where the school has to be shut down because of budget cuts.
FUCK YEAH.
Haha anyways, I wanted to hang out with Hallie, but on Monday she said that she was busy... I don't know why because she ended up being with Sarah and Katie. But I don't really care. I guess i'll just have to find new friends again. XD I'm probably not going to her school next year anyways.
So instead of being with Hallie today Ben and I hung out all day... literally ALL DAY. 8 am to 8 pm.
It was awesome. We were at the barn all day laughing, talking. We had a few really good long conversations about relationships, and other things that have been going on in our heads. Things like that.

So yeah know how I really liked Ben and we went on that awesome date together, and I thought that we hit it off really well?? Guess what...? The week after our date he came out as gay. He is rageingly homosexual.
Haha I was really happy for him when he came out :)

But ya know what happened today?? We were standing in the tack room at my barn and the radio was playing and someone like you came on. I thought we were going to go out of the little room so I kinda got really close to his body expecting him to turn and walk out also. He didn't so I just kinda staggered back and stayed slightly close to him. He leaned in and we were fourhead to fourhead just kinda making faces at each other. I was mouthing part of the chorus to Someone Like You and he got kind closer to my mouth... and he kissed me... .-. my first thought??
"HE'S GAY"
My second thought?
"Hm, maybe not?"
I didn't know what was happening it all happened to fast for my brain to comprehend it all at the moment. My body just kind of like melted into his arms and yeah... Then I broke it off and we just kinda awkwardly stared at each other and I probably had dear in a head light eyes. I was so shocked.

Other than that, nothing really cool happened today. Ben is kind of a ditz and admitted that he liked guys and girls but he likes guys A LOT more. He explained everything and it did make a lot of sense. Except I kind of realized that I pretty much helped him realize that he prefers guys... not the best feeling but that's okay. haha.

He helped me realize that  Jared is really the only somewhat viable option for me right now....
Even though he is taken... and doesn't like me...
but that's okay... XD I think?

Signed,
Yours Truely
Catlynn Crimson

HAPPY EASTER

Nothing to interesting happened today so there isn't to much to talk about. My aunt is here for easter and she's like... gross. I hate her, she is adopted and not really a part of my moms side of the family and she's such a bad person too. She's getting over a drug and alcohol addiction. She's creepy and just odd... makes me really uncomfortable to know her past.

Anyways, So excited for my next Images concert!! I found the perfect song to try out for, and Jared Hallie and their dad are coming, and Bendo might even come too!! <3

ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS,
Catlynn

P.S I believe this is my shortest blog post.... don't be expecting many of these.

LOLWUT

Today was pretty cool. Had a great day at Westernaires. Spirit did amazing in trick but then at Liberty he was so spazzy.... really random day.
Hung out with Emily a lot today and it was just like old times and it was weird. I never thought we'd be able to talk as easily as we did today. Her mom didn't even seem that mad at me! It was awesome... I feel accomplished :)

Anyways, I was gonna go over to Hallie's tonight but I dunno I guess that isn't happening. On Friday I went over to Hallie's and hung out with her and Sarah until like 8, but my mom made me go home and MADE me go to Westernaires. **sigh**
Saw Jared... Oh my god... He walked into the house and I like melted into the couch. I like him way to much... god. I feel so awkward around him... Do you think he feels as awkward around me too?

When me and Emily were talking today during Kirsten's liberty ride I was ranting about what has been going on with me and him cause we were just exchanging info that we didn't have the full story for. She told me that when she went over to Hallie's house like right after Hallie's mom had gotten out of the hospital for her surgery Hallie went into her mom's room to tell her that "We're just gonna go downstairs" and Jared was in the room with their mom and she said he was like "Is Caitlin here?!" and then Emily walked in all like ohai it's me.

She didn't really make is clear as to if it was a GOOD thing that he said that or not.. so would any of you guys like to clear that up for me..? It would be greatly appreciated.

Well other then that my weekend has been lame so far. Kirsten got all pissed at me because I blew her off to try and be with Hallie and she's getting all jealous... LOL
Typical Kirsten. Anywho...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W64lUQ9Z3Q&feature=related

That song makes me REALLY happy... I dunno why because i'm not that big of a fan of Justin Bieber but I love this song.

That is all for now,
ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS
Catlynn.

My Guardian Angel

Hey guys. So I don't really have anything to say... so I just wanted to tell you a little about Jared....

I've needed to do this for awhile.. I know it's creepy but I am going to list things that him and I have done... I'm going to list things that I love about him.... I'm going to put quote's and song lyrics that remind me of him.

-His eyes. His heart melting baby blue eyes
-His voice. I don't know what it is but I could talk to him forever because I love his voice.
-His laugh. His real laugh, not his awkward laugh. The laugh that he laughs with Bendo and Keenan
-His body... I know this is cliche to say but seriously. He isn't overly muscular he's just right.
-His lips. He was so nervous the first time he kissed me, he was so gentle, and he got slowly got more possesive. It was amazing.
-How he was so nervous the first night we were alone he started shaking.
-His crazy obsession over True Moo chocolate milk.
-The fact that he doesn't believe me when I told him he could get ANY girl he wanted.
-He plays the bass guitar ('nuff said)
-The random things he says that makes me laugh WAY harder then needed..
        Lady Gettin'
        'splain foo
-How the first night we were alone he didn't pressure me to do anything and instead he let me lay on his lap holding hands.
-The way he looks when he doesn't straighten his hair and he has his glasses on.
-The way he looks when he picks up his guitar.
- "Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart, you steal mine"
- "You could say I miss you a little... a little too much... a little too often... and a little more everyday"
- "The saddest part isn't that I miss you and you don't miss me, but that I miss you and you were never mine"
- "When I see your smile, the tears run down my face."
- "All that I know is I don't know, how to be something you miss"
- "Kiss me"
- "I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart"
- "The silence isn't so bad until I look at my hands and feel sad, because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly"
- "I lie awake and miss you, pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere"
- "DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND"
       "I'll never let go"
- "I can see you there with the city lights, fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes."
- "Loving  every single part of his body"
-I love his hugs
-He's introduced me to two of my 2 favorite bands **The Human Abstract and The Amity Affliction**
-The way when he had a screaming solo at there concert I wanted to drop to my knees
- "Hi, I have a gigantic crush on you. Okay bye."
-When we make full eye contact.
- "The truth is, if I could be with anyone i'd still be with you."
-I love how his colar bone shows.
-He's the one that made me feel confident in my own skin.
- "I'm in my bed, you're in yours. One of us is in the wrong place"
-The first time we kissed... The way he caught his breath and pulled me into him.
-How I was never really afraid to tell him anything.
-How when we had a snow day he wanted me to come over and wake him up. and I was to nervous to actually get into his bed, so he told me everything was okay and to get in.
-I love how i'm best friends with his twin sister....
-I love how we had our first long conversation last night since everything changed and he responded as fast as he used to.

So yeah, that's pretty much all for now.
ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS
Catlynn<3

Anchors

So, lately i've developed this weird thing for Anchors. I've been drawing them everywhere.
- My school work
- Random doodles
- All over my binder
- Even on myself too XD

I love them. They're really cool and they symbolize something really important for me.

They symbolize the weight that HE has chained to my heart.

I want the days when liked me too, back.
Waking up in his arms.
Hugging him goodbye.
Kissing him, feeling every pulse of passion...
Having his fingers intertwined with mine.
The late night random talks we had, not afraid to tell him everything.
His beautiful eyes looking into mine, with his hands on my waist.

I miss him...
 and the worst part?? He was never mine.

But he's with her now and he's happy. That's all I wanted for him. So I guess I really am just waisting my time, but when someones on your mind 24/7 it's pretty hard to let go.

Do think he knows I still like him?
I don't or at least I hope not. My slight obsession is really creepy.

Maybe this summer will change things. Spending [hopefully] every waking second with Hallie will get my mind off of it, and then since i'll be with him all the time then he'll realize he does want me. Then I get him wrapped around my finger..

Well, See ya bloggers
Catlynn.

PS sorry about doing another rant on him. I'll stop.. maybe.