So it's Spring Break in Colorado, for those of you that read my blog that don't know me. (I love my creepers;D)
I'm with one of my friends Kirsten at her grandpa's house up in westminister. I love her to death but sometimes I just wanna slap the shit out of her tiny ass little face and give her a piece of my mind.
Why? I'll tell you why.
We were looking through my tumblr I believe yesterday, and a picture of Demi Lovato came up. She asks me who it is and I look at her really confused like and say it's Demi. She was like "Wow she got fat"
Are you serious? Ya know how she was super sick and starving herself, harming herself, and god knows what else she was doing to her poor body do to peer pressure? When Kirsten said that I got such a big pit in my stomach. Demi is beautiful now. Not the shit beautiful society has us all believing is what beautiful is. She really is beautiful and she's what got me through most of my issues.
That's not all! Oh just wait.
I started purging and starving myself not to long ago. Ya know why? Every god damn time Kirsten and I slightly fight, she calls me fat. This was the biggest issue. I didn't find myself "skinny" either and that was part of it but it was mostly that her words stick in the back of my mind and just haunt me all the fucking time.
The only time I ever eat is when we're at school, and then I got home and throw that all up, and then just tell myself that i'm not hungry and go running when my dad is making dinner so that the smell isn't tempting, and I never come back until around 8 at night so that I know it's all gone.
Since i'm with her right now outside of school I've been eating, I've actually been eating a lot so that she doesn't get suspicious... I want to throw it all up but I can't. So not only am I gaining wait like crazy but I feel that if I don't eat she'll get suspicious so I eat whenever I get a chance, and the other she looked at me "Do you ever stop?" she was joking so I played along faked a little laugh and said "Nope"
I hope she feels good about herself knowing that when I go home i'm not going to eat at all... I don't care if it makes me sick. I'm going to be skinny.
It doesn't stop there.
Today Kirsten and I went to Boondocks. On the way back a "Sensa" commercial came on the radio in the truck and I said "Sensa sucks, it doesn't do anything" she asked me how I knew that and I told her about how my mom had tried it and it really didn't work. She then went on to ask me why she can't just exercise. My mom has a bad ankle because she broke it when I was really really little and has screws and a metal plate in it. She also has a bad back. I told her and then she's like "How'd she get to be so fat anyways" My mom had thyroid cancer, it also is still effecting her body... She knows this. So I told her straight up "She has thyroid issues dude" and i's just thinking "BITCH HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I BAGGED ON YOUR MOM?!" oh wait, you wouldn't care, because you don't love your parents.
Anyways, I just needed to get that out, I hate how disrespectful she is sometimes. Especially with the eating thing. I guess i'm back to hating my body ._.
Till next time,
Catlynn<3
No comments:
Post a Comment