Are you ready for this?

Hello bloggers, well hasn't it been just FOREVER.

Well, the summer is here and let me tell you... not going the way I wish it would. 

Disappointment #1- The party

Corey and Wyatt were inseperable the ENTIRE time. They wouldn't shut up either. They did what they wanted and basicly didn't even follow along with the party. We walked down to the park at my elementary school and they walked like 20 feet infront of us and didn't even do anything with us when we got to the play ground. And they ditched us and went over the fence to the middle school... fucking pricks. We all left but Maia and I felt bad for leaving them but then we went back and got them but then deffinetely regretted it. Wyatt talked to Maia and Corey talked to me because we did not hold back any emotion at all and they aren't as oblivious to not be able to tell we were really pissed off. Corey pryed the info out of me and i basicly broke down in front of him and told him EVERYTHING... things got better after that. Me and Maia got to "cuddle" with them under the stars and everything was peachy until texting them afterwards and they both basicly friend zoned her and I HARD -_-

Disappointment #2- Jared and Julie

It is June 25th and they are showing no downward spiral. Granted they haven't seemed to be talking as much and they haven't seen each other very much this summer, I just feel that makes no difference. I'm just hoping that maybe by the school year... things may change. God I hope so. 

Disappointment #3- White Division show

My team sucked so hard at the show for Westernaires I wanted to cry so badly. 

I didn't make captain either. 

Disappointment #4- Sam Grogan shaved his head.

'nuff said.

Disappointment #5- Swimming.

I have gone swimmng once and don't have a tan.. like at all -_-

That's really about it. It's not all that bad but I don't have anything good enough to really rant about so there is no point in writing a little post aside from a long one that is probably way more interesting.

Plus my friend Amy is writing this amazing story about me and Jared. It is coming along great but so far she only had the intro. She's writing it from both points of view (his and mine)

This is me- He was a gift, a gift from the heavens. I guess that why they call him the “Guardian Angel.” His blond hair hung carelessly into his sparkling blue eyes that pierced your soul with one glance. He didn’t know the meaning of sad, for his cute pink lips never turned upside down. That smile, oh that smile beamed warm light into your heart, instantly curing you melancholy dieses. He was the kind of boy who was cuter then hell and sweeter then heaven, tougher then leather but softer then a hummingbird. He always knew exactly what to say to me, how to treat me and were to take me. He was the most thoughtful, sexy, and amazing boy in the world. This is the story of how I found my, Guardian Angel. 

 

This is him- She was a miracle, a dream come true. I guess that’s why they call her a shooting star. Her long wavy dark brown hair hung aside her exotic green eyes that memorized you with one glance. She didn’t know she was beautiful, she often wore a frown and eyes full of hopelessness; I was determined to change that. She was the kind of girl who was prettier than a sunset and nicer then an old horse, smarter than god but more adventures then a new born lion cub. She always knew how to act walk and talk to make me smile. She was the most beautiful, cutest, sweetest eye candy I had ever laid eyes on. This is the story of how I found my, shooting star.

Well... yep that's everything for now. 

ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS

Signed, 

Yours Truely...

Catlynn Crimson

Tears

Tell me when it's my turn to have a happy ending....

When will I be the one to win??

I was so stupid thinking that I could compete with Jewels. 

So stupid thinking that Jerry would choose me over Kirsten. 

So stupid to think that Corey would want to be more than friends with me. 

Stupid Stupid Stupid....

I thought that finally I had a chance against all of these beautiful girls, Jolted straight back to reality in one day.

Is it so wrong that I want someone to like me??

Is it wrong that I wish I would be on his mind as much as he's on mine?????

Is it so wrong to want to be someone's first choice for once???

Here comes the summer

Okay, so we all know that schools almost out and we're all extremely excited, and to celebrate that i'm having a party.
^_^
It's not a big party and there will not be a lot of drinking and blah blah whatever, because we aren't like that. but there's going to be dancing and LOTS of fun. I'm really excited. This is our last full week of school. Next week no school on Monday and then school is out on next Thursday.

Coninuation...
Okay so I know this is really nothing but still, it's pretty big. The eighth grade graduation.
I have the perfect dress and it's complete with the perfect shoes and everything. Not only is continuation gonna be great but so is the eighth grade picnik. Our new principal doesn't care what we wear to the picnik so me and my friends are going all out and wearing SUMMER clothes :D So excited.

Alright now here's the real reason i'm writing this post.
Corey.
Alright so Jerry is a jerk wagon. Yeah I liked him, but I mean it wasn't really anything important, and my friend did something really bitchy and now he thinks i'm the creepiest person ever, and TBH I do not care.
Now here's the thing, Corey, him and I have never really talked before this last weekend.
Images, choir, orchestra, AND band went to Elitches last Friday so we got to ditch and hang out the ENTIRE day just doing whatever at the theme park. I was Kirsten and she ditched me to hang out with Emily (surprise, surprise) but then I decided to hang out with Maia, Monica, Kai'lee, Wyatt, Devlyn, and ... Corey :)
Like I said Corey and I had never talked before this trip, and that's okay because now that we have it's great. He is such a sweet guy. He's funny, and really cute.
We have been texting ALL weekend and same on monday and today. Even when the conversation is about to die he won't let it. He doesn't respond in an instant but it doesn't take him that long. <3

Anyways, I invited him to my party. I'm hoping something will happen that night. Maybe not literally SOMETHING but maybe sparks, chemistry, ya know what I mean.
And at continuation I'm hoping I'll stun him. It may not happen cause Emma may look better than me but I doubt it :) She may be cute, but i'm beautiful :D

Haha that's just me being optimistic, so you shut your face ^_^
 Anyways, Wish me luck!! I really like him and he's acting like he might like me too <3

LOVE YOU BLOGERS,
yours truely
Catlynn Crimson<3

Can I have this dance?

Take my hand. Take a breath. Pull me close... and Take one step.
Keep your eyes. Locked to mine. Let the music be your guide.
Won't you promise me? We'll keep dancing, wherever we go next.

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you.
It's one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do.
And with every step together. We just keep on gettin' better.
So Can I have this dance?

Take my hand. I'll take the lead. Every turn will be safe with me.
Don't be afraid. Afraid to fall. You know i'll catch you, through it all.
And you can't keep up apart.
Cause my heart is wherever you are.


It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you.
It's one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do.
And with every step together. We just keep on gettin' better.
So Can I have this dance?

Jeremiah...

Alright, So I know this blog post is long over-due. Okay well, I have not a lot to say but it is pretty important I let you guys know that I don't think i'm ever going to get over Jared. I hate the fact that I never shut up about him, and never stop blogging about him no matter how hard I try. . . He really is perfect to me but I'm not to him and that's fine, I don't care what he thinks about me as long as he's happy.

So, here's the reason I am writing this. There's this guy... His name is Jerry... Or Jeremiah^^ as you can tell by the title. I really like this guy, and he's so cute, he's extremely smart and he seems nice.... but the thing is he likes this other girl. Her name is Jewels. . . She's one of my really good friends, but she doesn't like him... At all..
It's not fair. . . I know life isn't fair and blah blah but the other guy I like, Sage, Likes her too. It's like COME ON. What are the fucking chances???

I don't even care anymore. I'm done trying... I'm so done with this.

Signed,
Yours Truely
Catlynn Crimson

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


What would you do if tomorrow I didn't wake up. What if tonight was my last night? What would you regret not telling me?
Would you miss me? Would you cry?

Just something to occupy your mind. 

CO springs

Hey guys. Not a lot has been happening lately so I haven't felt the need to really blog about it.
But this weekend was my images trip.

Images is the advanced choir for my school. It's our audition choir and I'm in it.. WOO.
Haha anyways. Friday was when we left for Colorado Springs. It was a great trip! We
had one of those like luxury tour buses that you see bands in and everything. It was awesome.
The only bad thing that happened was we hadn't even been on the bus 15 minutes when we broke
the curtain thing. It was SO much fun. I also got to hold hands with the cutest guy in that choir pretty much the whole trip. He even asked me out. Ya, that lasted about 2 days. He hasn't dated anyone before, so he practically is like a little kid so he just wasn't ready. It was actually really funny cause I called it before he did it.

Just Cause, here is a picture of us at the royal gorge from Friday. I'm slightly afraid of heights, and so is he so when we went onto the bridge after the gondela ride we were both scared. Soo, he held my hand.
Yeah he's short... really short actually. lol he looks like my little brother or something.

Anyways, Yeah Images trip was great and we got superior in our age group at calvalcade. (the competition we were in and the whole reason we went up to colorado springs)

Then on Saturday after dinner on the way back to the hotel it was like 10:30 ish and I was tired, so was he, and we were cuddling and I fell asleep on him on the way back :3
But then he broke up with me -_-

Eh, whatever. It's okay. The good news is Jared is leaving my head in overwhelming amounts. It's awesome. Life it so much better right now... hehe.

Love you guys,
Catlynn Crimson

Have you ever...

Have you ever broke down sobbing after so long of being strong?
Knelt down to the floor, hands on your face. You claw and grasp at your forehead when you let out that first gasp. You try to be quiet but eventually it becomes loud, heart wrenching sobs. You cry and cry and cry, so much you can't breath. You ask whoever is "up there" Why? WHY ME? You eventually completely collapse on the floor on your stomach. The sobs slowly turn into nothing and you lay there, numb. Not wanting to ever move again. Wishing it would all just end.... Have you ever wanted to die so badly that you thought you would.

Prepare yourself.

So, Today our school was off. Wednesday, I know it was really weird. It's because they have these things called Furlough days where the school has to be shut down because of budget cuts.
FUCK YEAH.
Haha anyways, I wanted to hang out with Hallie, but on Monday she said that she was busy... I don't know why because she ended up being with Sarah and Katie. But I don't really care. I guess i'll just have to find new friends again. XD I'm probably not going to her school next year anyways.
So instead of being with Hallie today Ben and I hung out all day... literally ALL DAY. 8 am to 8 pm.
It was awesome. We were at the barn all day laughing, talking. We had a few really good long conversations about relationships, and other things that have been going on in our heads. Things like that.

So yeah know how I really liked Ben and we went on that awesome date together, and I thought that we hit it off really well?? Guess what...? The week after our date he came out as gay. He is rageingly homosexual.
Haha I was really happy for him when he came out :)

But ya know what happened today?? We were standing in the tack room at my barn and the radio was playing and someone like you came on. I thought we were going to go out of the little room so I kinda got really close to his body expecting him to turn and walk out also. He didn't so I just kinda staggered back and stayed slightly close to him. He leaned in and we were fourhead to fourhead just kinda making faces at each other. I was mouthing part of the chorus to Someone Like You and he got kind closer to my mouth... and he kissed me... .-. my first thought??
"HE'S GAY"
My second thought?
"Hm, maybe not?"
I didn't know what was happening it all happened to fast for my brain to comprehend it all at the moment. My body just kind of like melted into his arms and yeah... Then I broke it off and we just kinda awkwardly stared at each other and I probably had dear in a head light eyes. I was so shocked.

Other than that, nothing really cool happened today. Ben is kind of a ditz and admitted that he liked guys and girls but he likes guys A LOT more. He explained everything and it did make a lot of sense. Except I kind of realized that I pretty much helped him realize that he prefers guys... not the best feeling but that's okay. haha.

He helped me realize that  Jared is really the only somewhat viable option for me right now....
Even though he is taken... and doesn't like me...
but that's okay... XD I think?

Signed,
Yours Truely
Catlynn Crimson

HAPPY EASTER

Nothing to interesting happened today so there isn't to much to talk about. My aunt is here for easter and she's like... gross. I hate her, she is adopted and not really a part of my moms side of the family and she's such a bad person too. She's getting over a drug and alcohol addiction. She's creepy and just odd... makes me really uncomfortable to know her past.

Anyways, So excited for my next Images concert!! I found the perfect song to try out for, and Jared Hallie and their dad are coming, and Bendo might even come too!! <3

ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS,
Catlynn

P.S I believe this is my shortest blog post.... don't be expecting many of these.

LOLWUT

Today was pretty cool. Had a great day at Westernaires. Spirit did amazing in trick but then at Liberty he was so spazzy.... really random day.
Hung out with Emily a lot today and it was just like old times and it was weird. I never thought we'd be able to talk as easily as we did today. Her mom didn't even seem that mad at me! It was awesome... I feel accomplished :)

Anyways, I was gonna go over to Hallie's tonight but I dunno I guess that isn't happening. On Friday I went over to Hallie's and hung out with her and Sarah until like 8, but my mom made me go home and MADE me go to Westernaires. **sigh**
Saw Jared... Oh my god... He walked into the house and I like melted into the couch. I like him way to much... god. I feel so awkward around him... Do you think he feels as awkward around me too?

When me and Emily were talking today during Kirsten's liberty ride I was ranting about what has been going on with me and him cause we were just exchanging info that we didn't have the full story for. She told me that when she went over to Hallie's house like right after Hallie's mom had gotten out of the hospital for her surgery Hallie went into her mom's room to tell her that "We're just gonna go downstairs" and Jared was in the room with their mom and she said he was like "Is Caitlin here?!" and then Emily walked in all like ohai it's me.

She didn't really make is clear as to if it was a GOOD thing that he said that or not.. so would any of you guys like to clear that up for me..? It would be greatly appreciated.

Well other then that my weekend has been lame so far. Kirsten got all pissed at me because I blew her off to try and be with Hallie and she's getting all jealous... LOL
Typical Kirsten. Anywho...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W64lUQ9Z3Q&feature=related

That song makes me REALLY happy... I dunno why because i'm not that big of a fan of Justin Bieber but I love this song.

That is all for now,
ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS
Catlynn.

My Guardian Angel

Hey guys. So I don't really have anything to say... so I just wanted to tell you a little about Jared....

I've needed to do this for awhile.. I know it's creepy but I am going to list things that him and I have done... I'm going to list things that I love about him.... I'm going to put quote's and song lyrics that remind me of him.

-His eyes. His heart melting baby blue eyes
-His voice. I don't know what it is but I could talk to him forever because I love his voice.
-His laugh. His real laugh, not his awkward laugh. The laugh that he laughs with Bendo and Keenan
-His body... I know this is cliche to say but seriously. He isn't overly muscular he's just right.
-His lips. He was so nervous the first time he kissed me, he was so gentle, and he got slowly got more possesive. It was amazing.
-How he was so nervous the first night we were alone he started shaking.
-His crazy obsession over True Moo chocolate milk.
-The fact that he doesn't believe me when I told him he could get ANY girl he wanted.
-He plays the bass guitar ('nuff said)
-The random things he says that makes me laugh WAY harder then needed..
        Lady Gettin'
        'splain foo
-How the first night we were alone he didn't pressure me to do anything and instead he let me lay on his lap holding hands.
-The way he looks when he doesn't straighten his hair and he has his glasses on.
-The way he looks when he picks up his guitar.
- "Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart, you steal mine"
- "You could say I miss you a little... a little too much... a little too often... and a little more everyday"
- "The saddest part isn't that I miss you and you don't miss me, but that I miss you and you were never mine"
- "When I see your smile, the tears run down my face."
- "All that I know is I don't know, how to be something you miss"
- "Kiss me"
- "I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart"
- "The silence isn't so bad until I look at my hands and feel sad, because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly"
- "I lie awake and miss you, pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere"
- "DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND"
       "I'll never let go"
- "I can see you there with the city lights, fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes."
- "Loving  every single part of his body"
-I love his hugs
-He's introduced me to two of my 2 favorite bands **The Human Abstract and The Amity Affliction**
-The way when he had a screaming solo at there concert I wanted to drop to my knees
- "Hi, I have a gigantic crush on you. Okay bye."
-When we make full eye contact.
- "The truth is, if I could be with anyone i'd still be with you."
-I love how his colar bone shows.
-He's the one that made me feel confident in my own skin.
- "I'm in my bed, you're in yours. One of us is in the wrong place"
-The first time we kissed... The way he caught his breath and pulled me into him.
-How I was never really afraid to tell him anything.
-How when we had a snow day he wanted me to come over and wake him up. and I was to nervous to actually get into his bed, so he told me everything was okay and to get in.
-I love how i'm best friends with his twin sister....
-I love how we had our first long conversation last night since everything changed and he responded as fast as he used to.

So yeah, that's pretty much all for now.
ILOVEYOUBLOGGERS
Catlynn<3

Anchors

So, lately i've developed this weird thing for Anchors. I've been drawing them everywhere.
- My school work
- Random doodles
- All over my binder
- Even on myself too XD

I love them. They're really cool and they symbolize something really important for me.

They symbolize the weight that HE has chained to my heart.

I want the days when liked me too, back.
Waking up in his arms.
Hugging him goodbye.
Kissing him, feeling every pulse of passion...
Having his fingers intertwined with mine.
The late night random talks we had, not afraid to tell him everything.
His beautiful eyes looking into mine, with his hands on my waist.

I miss him...
 and the worst part?? He was never mine.

But he's with her now and he's happy. That's all I wanted for him. So I guess I really am just waisting my time, but when someones on your mind 24/7 it's pretty hard to let go.

Do think he knows I still like him?
I don't or at least I hope not. My slight obsession is really creepy.

Maybe this summer will change things. Spending [hopefully] every waking second with Hallie will get my mind off of it, and then since i'll be with him all the time then he'll realize he does want me. Then I get him wrapped around my finger..

Well, See ya bloggers
Catlynn.

PS sorry about doing another rant on him. I'll stop.. maybe.

Some People Are So Fucking Disrespectful

So it's Spring Break in Colorado, for those of you that read my blog that don't know me. (I love my creepers;D)

I'm with one of my friends Kirsten at her grandpa's house up in westminister. I love her to death but sometimes I just wanna slap the shit out of her tiny ass little face and give her a piece of my mind.

Why? I'll tell you why.


We were looking through my tumblr I believe yesterday, and a picture of Demi Lovato came up. She asks me who it is and I look at her really confused like and say it's Demi. She was like "Wow she got fat"

Are you serious? Ya know how she was super sick and starving herself, harming herself, and god knows what else she was doing to her poor body do to peer pressure? When Kirsten said that I got such a big pit in my stomach. Demi is beautiful now. Not the shit beautiful society has us all believing is what beautiful is. She really is beautiful and she's what got me through most of my issues.

That's not all! Oh just wait.


I started purging and starving myself not to long ago. Ya know why? Every god damn time Kirsten and I slightly fight, she calls me fat. This was the biggest issue. I didn't find myself "skinny" either and that was part of it but it was mostly that her words stick in the back of my mind and just haunt me all the fucking time.

The only time I ever eat is when we're at school, and then I got home and throw that all up, and then just tell myself that i'm not hungry and go running when my dad is making dinner so that the smell isn't tempting, and I never come back until around 8 at night so that I know it's all gone.

Since i'm with her right now outside of school I've been eating, I've actually been eating a lot so that she doesn't get suspicious... I want to throw it all up but I can't. So not only am I gaining wait like crazy but I feel that if I don't eat she'll get suspicious so I eat whenever I get a chance, and the other she looked at me "Do you ever stop?" she was joking so I played along faked a little laugh and said "Nope"

I hope she feels good about herself knowing that when I go home i'm not going to eat at all... I don't care if it makes me sick. I'm going to be skinny.

It doesn't stop there.


Today Kirsten and I went to Boondocks. On the way back a "Sensa" commercial came on the radio in the truck and I said "Sensa sucks, it doesn't do anything" she asked me how I knew that and I told her about how my mom had tried it and it really didn't work. She then went on to ask me why she can't just exercise. My mom has a bad ankle because she broke it when I was really really little and has screws and a metal plate in it. She also has a bad back. I told her and then she's like "How'd she get to be so fat anyways" My mom had thyroid cancer, it also is still effecting her body... She knows this. So I told her straight up "She has thyroid issues dude" and i's just thinking "BITCH HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I BAGGED ON YOUR MOM?!" oh wait, you wouldn't care, because you don't love your parents.

Anyways, I just needed to get that out, I hate how disrespectful she is sometimes. Especially with the eating thing. I guess i'm back to hating my body ._.

Till next time,
Catlynn<3

Best Day In A Long Time

Today was great, Ben and I had our first date today :D

I got home from school and went into cliche teenage girl mode. I try and say i'm not a girly girl, but when it comes to guys I can be XD I had to take a shower so of course I did that... I spent like 20 minutes in there... hahaha Then of course after that, I had to do my hair.. after about 25 minutes of blow drying and slightly straightening, I took another like, 20 minutes deciding what to do with it. I finally decided on Pig Tails. Then I had to find the perfect outfit.

I lowered it down to "Simple Skater" and "Sexy Cowgirl" I chose Sexy Cowgirl.

When he finally got there my heart sped up and butterflies were making me feel light on air. I was so nervous.
We went out to my barn and rode Spirit for about an hour (well that's all together with getting the tack on and grooming) I called my dad to come get us and then we just walked around the property talking while we waited. It was awesome having him ride Spirit with me, even though he was on the back, his hands around my  waist was the best feeling in the world.

Then when we got back to my house we watched Mama Mia and sang along with it! Best part was singing lay all your love on me.

Then the night came to an amazing end when we sat on top of my roof and looked at the stars discussing them, and planets, and other shnazz that is really nerdy so i'm not listing it... :)

Love you bloggers, that is all for tonight. I need some sleeps. <3

God Fuck Hole

I'm so alone sometimes....

No not alone... Deffinetelly FOREVER alone. Sarah found the love of her life (: They're really cute... it's almost disgusting XD haha, well, I'm happy for her. I just wish that a guy like that could like me. I don't like Kyle she's all his but why can't someone love me like that??

I mean come on... Everyone always says to me "Caitlin, you're only in middle school. Give it time."

Yeah well, ya know what. I would "give it time" if it wasn't everywhere I turned people were having the best relationships ever. Sarah and Kyle... Amie and Griffin... Alexa and Kayla... So on and So forth. 

They're all so perfect together and every relationship I've ever had, has ended because someone better comes along and I'm just not enough -_- 

KLAJDHFKLAH FUCK THIS SHIT.

Ya know, I'm not that bad, am I? I think I deserve at least a cute mooshy relationship..

Maybe even just a summer fling, but SOMETHING that would leave me happy. I want nothing more than this to work with Ben... I really really do. Wish me luck guys. 

Love you bloggers,

Cat Crimson

P.S Ben told me he loved my eyes today, and then we got into an argument about who's eyes are better and he won. So apparently mine are better. :)

P.P.S I think I only have 2 people that read my blog... maybe not even. That's sad. D: I am such a failure XD

Well, that's enough of that.

My last blog post was really, really terrible. It was ridiculously sad and pathetic and I need to stop being like that.

Ya know what, if Jared wants Julie over me then that's his loss. I know that I talk a lot but why should that matter? I don't even know.

I hung out with Hallie Friday, she told me Jared read that last post D: or at least the part about him. FML like seriously, now he REALLY won't talk to me... Eh, like I said, whatever.
I met Julie Saturday night at there concert. She's really cool honestly. We talked some and she seemed really cool, and chill. The only issue? She's not as pretty as I thought she was....
I don't know if it was just because that was her lazy day or what but really? Gah,
I've never really cared this much...

Usually when a guy I like gets a girlfriend, I give up. I just move on, it's never gonna happen and I accept that. This is also usually because I find her prettier than me.
I told you about how I have an issue with comparing myself to other girls? Well last night was NO different... the only thing that was different though was that I couldn't find anything better about her than about me.

Again his loss. I think i'm done ranting about Jared for awhile. Him and Her are really cute together, and i'm not gonna hurt myself trying to change that.

Love you bloggers
I'll keep you updated on all things HORSES and BENJAMIN for awhile <3

Fuck Love

So, I haven't been on here in FOREVER but, there is no where else I can rant about this on.. So here is everything that is on my mind. It's a lot but bear with me.

Okay, so as you know, I have a HUGE crush on my best friends brother.... (Cliche I know)
Him and I were actually getting pretty close and we had done some things but everytime any hint of a relationship brewing would come up he'd say the same thing to me "I'm not really looking for a relationship"
I understand that. I respected it too, and ya know, I honestly didn't care... Yeah I wanted to date him, but I didn't, like, NEED to or anything. I guess I talk to much, and scared him or SOMETHING and he just stopped talking to me. Typical teenage player, it hurt to know that I was so easily given up but whatever. I've been trying SO hard to get over him, but I can't. I compare every guy to him, and honestly think about him all the time. I hate that I can't get over him, but egh, whatever, I'm getting there.

This is Jared... He's in a band. Traverse The Depths. He's the bass player

Do I have a chance compared to his past and present?

So, after me and Jared stopped talking I tried soo fucking hard to forget him... Then this guy comes along. I really liked him and he said he really liked me. So of course I went for it. Thomas was not only a complete sweet heart, but he was cute too! Everything he did was just plain adorable.

                                                        This is Thomas^^^
Then along came issue number 1... things were really awkward between me and him because he's shorter than I am... not by much but still. That seemed to be really the only bad thing about all this.

Now here's a little side info...
Kirsten one of my other best friend's was dating Thomas's best friend, Kyle... Kirsten and Kyle seemed to really like each other until Kirsten spilled issue number 2....

Kirsten didn't like Kyle... She never really did. Can you guess who she DID like though?? Thomas.
I've always had an issue in comparing my self to other people, so when I heard this I immedietelly looked at everything good about her and everything bad about me.

Kirsten is absolutely gorgeous.

She's a gymnast so she is flexible...
She has a really cute voice...
She's got stunning blue eyes... (Not to mention Blue is Thomas's fav. Eye color and mine are brown...)
She's short-ish so her and Thomas look good together...
She's got a rockin' body from gymnastics....
and so on...
I could go on and on about all the good things she has that I don't.

So, one night Thomas and I are talking over Facebook and I ask him plain out and simple... Do You Like Kirsten.
He told me that he didn't. He likes her as a friend and that's it.
That was it, I believed him all was well.... until one week later.

TCAP started at our school and IDK what started going on, but him and Kirsten started talking more, and him and her would have tickling wars at recess and she would randomly jump on his back. This all seriously pissed me off, they flirting out rageously RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME... What The Fuck man.... that is NOT cool... so while all this is going on, i'm really un-easy about all this... Then one night I got fed up with it and I texted him....
Me- So... Do you really not like Kirsten?
Thomas- No I do
Me- Then why did you tell me you didn't?
Thomas- Because I didn't.. Now I do.
Me- (no response)
Thomas- Is that okay? I feel guilty now.
Me- NO it's not okay.... She's my best friend!
         and she's dating YOUR best friend.!
Thomas- I know.
**15 minutes later**
Me- So here's the question.... Me or Her
Thomas- Her

Such a douche baggy move RIGHT? Not to mention later on he tried to convince me and Kirsten that Kyle never liked Kirsten and that he told Thomas that it was okay to ask her out.
I started texting Kyle and it was all a lie.... NOW WE'RE ALL SINGLE BECAUSE OF THAT JACK ASS

Boys are fucking stupid... and plus, the worst part about all this?? Kirsten actually likes Thomas and they're dating now.
I still like him too :( but there's no way in hell I'm gonna win him back from Kirsten....

                                                      That's Kirsten ^^^
Beautiful, right?
I mean DO YOU SEE THOSE EYES??
It's not fair.... but I mean when it all comes down to it... Who would YOU choose?
Me Or Her?

After all of this i'm trying to get over Thomas and of course I throw myself into a heartbreaking situation.
Ben...
He can play guitar...
He can play drums...
He can sing...
He has beautiful eyes....
A breath taking smile...
And a body like a swim suit model ;)

That's Ben... Isn't he Cute :D I love everything about this boy!!!
And the thing is, He likes me too :))
The catch?? He has a choice to make... ME... or this other girl... Emily.

She's so god damn gorgeous... I mean just look!!
He's going on date's with both of us to make his final decision....
There date was Friday and I heard from both of them that it was amazing.
And the only way that he'll choose me over her is if I can make it just that itty bitty amount better....
God I hope I can.
FUCK HOPE... I KNOW I CAN
                                           And just as a refresher... here's me^^

Well that is all bloggers.... Byyyeeee

It's been awhile... XD SORRY

So, I know, I really haven't been keeping this up. Not much has been happening so I haven't felt the need to blog anything XD

Well, schools going pretty good, Jared and I, well we did some things, but now we're just friends.
I'm trying to get him back, but I do not believe it's working XD I really hope he'll date me :( I like him
a little bit ridiculously. I went to Hallie's and his house today and was sitting in the computer room with Hallie.
I got thirsty and so I walked out to look for a bottle of water and Jared was sitting on the couch so I quickly looked, couldn't find any and huredly went back to the room, and soon as I walk in I start giggling and jumping up and down, and then Hallie looks at me and is like "Jared in there?" and I was like "Yeeeaahhh"
Pathetic? I'm thinkin' yes.

Well, this sucks, HE FRIEND ZONED ME!!! >_< I can't believe he doesn't want to be with me... at all... this sucks man.

Well, Love sucks... fer shizzle.

See you later bloggers!!! <3

Way to much is going on DX

Okay, so i'm moving my horse to a new barn at the beginning of Febuary.! So excited! We had to fix up the stalls and everything, but we had fun doing that, and now it's ready for the horses to move in! Just a little more touch ups to go.

Sarah and I broke up a few days ago cause I cheated on her with Jared... DX I feel terrible about that, and the worst part is that Jared didn't even know I was dating Sarah. So this is all absolutely all my fault. :( And now he doesn't want anything to do with me either.... So now it's back to boy hunting, I guess. ): this might take a lot longer to get through then my normal relationship issues though... he was perfect, so was she. And of course I fuck it completely up... and ruin his trust and break her heart in the mean time... god I am a bitch.!

Well, yeah, that's everything big that's been going on. So there ya go, hope you enjoyed the fact I actually got around to blogging today. XD

Broken Promises

I fall to fast... WAY to fast, I don't just like him, it has to be something more. I don't just like her either...
WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!:'(

Quote:
Broken Promises lead to
Broken Hearts

IT'S BEEN SO LONG D:

Okay, so I told I'm not good with keeping this up. D: but hey, it's okay, right? XD anyways, me and sarah together now :D i'm as happy as could be and bet money we're gonna take it to the summer this time (god I hope so) but yeah, that's pretty much it, other then stupid school, and westernaires got canceled this coming weekend AGAIN this is like the 3rd time in a row specialties have been canceled :( i'm sad, but at least they gave us warning this time.. goin' to Hallie's with Sarah this weekend. EXCITED ;D I love those girls. :3

Wow, that's just awesome.

So sorry I haven't been updating, D: I've been kinda sorta busy for the last week. :P Well, i'm with my friend Hallie today and we're gonna just hang out all day, we're gonna see Sarah later today and I was excited for that... emphasis on the WAS. I was creepin' on her blog earlier and saw that yesterday she went to the mall with her friends and actually met up with this chick that she met on Vampire Freaks. This girl had messaged me like thursday night asking if her and I were still dating and I was like
"No not really, but I want to date her again and I think she might ask me out. Why?"
then she asks me "Well she's really hot and I was wondering if you would be okay with me asking her out"
and then I said "I would rather you didn't"
Then this b!+ch goes "Well i'm still gonna" and I haven't heard from her since, then when I talked to Sarah about she said that the girl wanted to meet up at like the mall or something, but then that not this weekend cause she wants to get to know her better. I asked her if she thought anything was going to happen and Sarah told me she really didn't think so, and ya know I finally told her I DO want to date her again and so now she goes and she's hanging out with this girl...awesome. Well, that's what's going on.

I'm happy for her, cause maybe now she'll believe that girls don't find her un-atractive, but still, I guess i'm just done with everything, and everyone. No one really likes ME, just me. There's always someone better. I lost my chance with her and no guys like me so, I guess i'll just be alone, it's her turn to have the good relationship... even if it's not with me. I just wish that SOMEONE would just once, choose me over the other person they have a choice between... I'll never be anyone's first choice.

Well, on that depressing note. I gtg.

Sarah will be here any moment and I gotta put on that smile so she won't see what's going on... like I have been since I broke up with her.

P.S- Sarah if you read this, don't bring it up. I'll get over it, okay? So just don't worry about it. There's nothing you can do.

Back to school

Well it's back to school on Wednesday. I really don't want to do this! D:
School always sucks. I'm not a good learner and have such a short attention span I can't pay attention and then never know what to do for the homework :( well, I'm gonna try real hard, and i'm gonna do this!!
Wish me luck blogger.

Woops

Hey guys, sorry I haven't blogged in like 3+ days. I've been kinda sorta busy. LOL nothing has really happened, I just have been riding my horse with my friends. :) A LOT lol, I think Jared is totally not in to me XD grr well, i'll get over it I guess, it'll take awhile thogh XD love you bloggers <3